Plot Bunnies Attack! Crack Fic
by MadamScorpio
Summary: Have you ever felt that you read the same story 15 times from 20 different authors? Shouted at the characters for being a moron to only realize it wasn't their fault? Raged quit a story because the end seemed no where in sight. Too deep to stop? Well! Here they are! All in one place. Independent stories that explore those classic, cliche, overused plot bunnies too good to pass up.
1. PrologueAuthor's Introduction

**Plot Bunnies Attack Crack Fic**

 **by**

 **MadamScorpio**

 **Disclaimer:Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, and all rights reserved for the theme, plot, and fictional places used in this fanfiction.**

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My penname is Madame Scorpio author, reader, beta reader, and member of fanfiction since July 2014. I have left over 1,600 _reviews_ since I have joined fanfiction because people like _reviews_ like crack heads love crack, a fat kid love pastries, and Kagome obviously love beastiality(Inuyasha is a DOG demon...yeah suck it).

Recently I have been reading some really great fanfictions that I binge read all night and all day because its just that good ( _Uncontrollable_ by Kinky-Hoe my latest binge [6 hours to read 34 chapters] read **SOOO GOOD**! and not ashamed!)

On the other hand I have read some (numerous) irksome fics that I want to pull out my hair and get back the three hours I spent of my life. I trudge on because I was "too deep in to NOT know what would happen," then the big let down because the author gave up or their friend moved away. Basically a weak ass ending like seriously!.

Commence flipping tables and reading another fandom most of the time Fairy Tail fanfiction (they are good too).

Eight responses that I seem to use as of late after reading more than 5-10 chapters and there is no clear progress in the story. I don't leave a _review_ I just move on to the next chapter where I can write something positive. Then there are times when I have to leave a _review_ where the madness has gone on long enough and a response is needed. I read some _reviews_ from previous reviewers on those stories and they are pumping the author up.

 **Kudos**!

I on the other hand is like, 'why are you lying? It sucks,its confusing and when the hell did they get in a freaking relationship? Are we reading the same story?"

I keep it to myself though, honestly! Not an anonymous reviewer, no sir re-bob!

This is suppose to be funny and poke fun at fanfictions that I have read and had these responses:

"Come the fuck on!"

"Are you bleeping serious? The bitch kissed your man and you just gonna cry and LEAVE them there?"

"Man Up Kagome and stop FUCKING crying!"

" Inuyasha, seriously, is being a half demon require you to have/use half of a brain."

"Miroku, do you have over grown, callous skin on your face?"

"Sesshomaru, three things 1) take a damn chill pill! 2) take that enormous stick out of your ass! 3) Sit down somewhere and fuck Rin already geesh."

" What the hell is Feh, Keh, and Hn? How do I know you are agreeing or not? That is not an expression of feelings nor words!"

"Koga, Koga, Koga...I really like you but seriously...if the broad didn't want you in chapter one why are we still pining after her in chapter 16. Making plots with Kikyo...hmm...she isn't even in a relationship nor had one with Inuyasha throughout the entire fic! So how in the hell are you trusting her to have a great "devise plan?" Really author?!"

I am probably the only one that suffers through this when reading other author's fanfictions. I have a friend that I vent to when I read fanfics and my expressions above are mentioned. I know she is tired of them but I gotta let it out somewhere lol.

I know " **why continue to read**?"

My response: _"_ There are really good gems out there I really enjoy and leave multiple _reviews._ "

Nevertheless there seem to be more of those overused, cliche and predictable plot lines or ways the characters act than what a real functioning person (demons included) would respond in my opinion. I understand and don't get me wrong! I do cliche and predictable "twists" for the need for drama, suspense and the progression of my story. IF it ain't broke why fix it?

However there are over 114K stories that have at least one or more of these plot bunnies. (I guess I unlocked a conspiracy because damn! Some of them are talking to each other.)

This crack fic will sometimes not follow the plot/summary that I totally made up off the fly. Look/read it as an excerpt but I hope that when you finish reading, that the goal responses are what you are saying when reading...I hope you laugh, maybe cry, _review_ (lol) and no punching or life threatening damage to your computer. They are our friends lol. I will leave the desired reaction and if I did it please leave that response in a _review_!

SO after my long Author note I guess this is a prologue. Again this is a crack fic treat it as such!

I have only been on this site for almost a year and there have people who have been on here for years! **Please** if you have one that should be poked fun at PM me or write a _review_ and I will get right to you. I do try to respond to everyone's _review_ other than guests because there is no way.

My first chapter will be: Inuyasha's Demon

Happy Reading!

 **M**


	2. Respect the Demon

Chapter 2

 **Blanket Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha they belong to Rumiko Takahashi**

 **Enjoy**

 **Please oh Please leave a review!**

Topic: Inuyasha's Demon lack of Vocabulary

 **A/N: OMG this gets on my last nerves. I agree with Kagome that everyone should accept Inuyasha's bipolar ass lol...what I don't get is why does his demon have to be wrote as an uncouth individual. I guess its my imagination but I pictured Inuyasha's demon with a little bit more intelligence because well I just do. I think he can go past the stereotypical grunts of a Neanderthal of grunts and two worded sentences pieced together to form speech. I wrote a piece (not being used now) called _Virgin Desires_ where I debuted Inuyasha as a half demon (my first because he is usually a human) so I got to use his demon!**

 **I had a review:**

" _thing that bother me was that kagome seems to sort of wanted demon inu only not both._ "

 **Well, that was the point lol because in other fanfics when there is a demon Inuyasha he gets some grunts and then he is gone. Like bro where the hell is the demon? He only grunts and that's it? Let him kick some ass, protect his mate, something! The series kind of pissed me off because Inuyasha getting his ass royally handed to him and his demon comes out twice...TWICE. Yeah it's not Inuyasha's Demon but still Naraku could have felt the power of Inuyasha's other side and Koga too! That is just me ^-^**

 **I think the best depiction _I_ have read is _Mate_ by Carpathian Rose (read it twice! Hot and steamy). She had him grunting moments but Kagome is nicely presented as "embracing" Inuyasha's demon lol. He talks to her mentally I believe but its normal conversing amongst the two and not the caveman syndrome. So this next one is what I wish to read with Inuyasha's demon.**

 **A/N 2: Totally (hopefully) making up these titles and typical summaries**

 **Response goal: _Respect Bitches!_**

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Revenge of the Claws

Summary: Inuyasha loses control of his demon because of the constant abuse and mockery he kept getting. Fed up Inuyasha's demon released himself from his cage and spent a solitary night in the Feudal Era displaying his real power. The only way to stop him is his mate who could communicate and stop him. Who could his mate be?

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"Half demon, get back here bitch and fight me like a man that you are."

"I am not a man."

"I know! You just a bitch half man. Come on fight me!"

' **Out...me out!** ' Inuyasha's demon demanded.

' _Shut up, I can handle this low life asshole. No use in going blood rage_ ,' he told his demon.

"You don't want to get me mad jackass. Leave me alone. I just wanted to get some merchandise and I will be on my way," Inuyasha tried to reason with the headman.

"Whatever, get going! We don't want your stench around here anymore," the headman yelled at Inuyasha.

A wooden cup full of sake hit him in the head and the liquid spilt down his face to his haori.

Inuyasha growled and left the village in haste.

' **Revenge,** ' his demon howled inside of his head. He wasn't letting up and was causing Inuyasha a headache.

' _Stop! I will not go back and that is it_.'

' **Revenge!** '

' _I am going to sleep, night demon_ ,' Inuyasha finished eating and stretched out in a tree that hid him from dwellers of the forest floor.

The demon living inside Inuyasha was beyond furious. He wanted blood and revenge. One too many times has his vessel been mocked, tricked, beaten, liquid has been thrown at while the half human let the trash demean him. He couldn't do anything because the half human had a good hold on not reversing unless he was sleep or his subconscious was stronger than the conscious. The demon waited until the conscious became unconscious and he reversed their positions where the demon of the dark came to the light.

Inuyasha's body pulsed to signal that there was a change in control. The demon opened up his teal colored iris. He stretched and sniffed his surroundings. He gracefully jumped down from his resting place to the forest floor. Little scavengers scurried back to the vegetation sensing a powerful demonic aura was amidst them.

The demon retraced the steps that his half human made to visit the village that broke the last of his patience. Traveling the ten kilometers back to the seemingly peaceful village, the demon headed towards the headman of the village first.

The dirt roads were abandoned and huts tucked in their occupants. Inuyasha led by his nose stealthily made it to the headman's hut. He heard screams of passion between a human male and female. The demon's powerful nose picked up the arousal that the woman and man were engaging in. A creepy sadistic smile crept on Inuyasha's mouth. He crack his knuckles and his elongated nails was ready to splice through human flesh. He was getting a steadily growth between his legs when he thought of all the blood that would pour out of the woman's breast and the male's missing sex organ. He knew he would revel in it and the rest of the townspeople would meet the same demise as their leaders.

Slowly moving back the shoji caused the only light source to vanquish leaving the one room quarters in pitch black.

' **Perfect.'**

He tapped the pit dwelling house outer structure causing the heart beats of both his prey to quicken.

"What is that tapping, can you hear that?" the woman ask after the candle went out.

"No, its just your imagination. Let me take care of-" the male started but stopped when he heard a guttural growl coming from the shoji.

The headman stark naked crawled to look outside and a soundless swipe then a thud was heard by the woman. She called out her husband's name. She slowly crawled to her husband and his stiff body fell over headless.

Looking at the blood gurgle from his head she started to scream but it was caught in her sliced throat. She fell back still trying to breath like a fish out of water trying to stay alive and warn the others.

Inuyasha stepped over the dead man and prowled towards the slowly dying woman. He meticulous cut her where the blood pouring out of her flesh would slowly drain her life force. She would feel pain but die slowly in the end. He took a deep inhale of the wonderful smell of death that permeated the little hut.

The headman's wife eyes started to lose the light of life and Inuyasha quickly removed his penis out of his crimson colored hakama. He slowly stroked himself and said one word while he land on his knees and spread open the bitch's legs.

' **Revenge,** ' and in one powerful plunge into her internal caverns.

Inuyasha's demon took the woman's breast and punctured her tissue that surrounded her nipples. The woman was numb from the blood loss and pain this beast was putting her through. She wanted to die and not suffer anymore. She felt the nails cutting her from her navel towards her breast while still forcing her internal cavern to accommodate his well endowed size.

She felt a pseudo touch of his claws on her bloody mangled breast as the demon came inside of her. The last thing she saw was the demon slicing off her husband's penis and stuffing it in his beheaded head and his severed arm forcible stuffed in the man's anus. After she saw that she finally stopped breathing and passed out.

Inuyasha licked the blood that squirted out from the female and looked at his handy work with the headman. He walked out did the same thing to the other townspeople. He mixed it up he would kill the wife in front of the husband and fuck the husband in the ass after then have the man suck him off while he came into their throat and slice off their head.

He left the children and animals warning them " **you tell, you die,** " simple and straight to the point.

He completely massacred the adults by morning and bathed in the stream that was three kilometers from the tree Inuyasha's human half slept. He cleaned his body after he took on last sniff of the many bodies he killed. Maybe he went overboard with the threesome but they died anyway.

He was satisfied and a little tired. He sprinted feeling the wind in his now blood free hair and came to a field of daisies. He sniffed and stretched because across the clearing was another village that he wanted to kill for the hell of it. He sprinted across the meadow and a figure slowly rose from the ground. A cloak was hiding the individual. Ready to strike it or whatever it was down. The demon inhaled one breath and stopped mid swing.

The smell was intoxicating and mellowed out the blood lusted demon. The individual lifted their head and the hood fell to their shoulders. The most beautiful creature was in front of this demon. He stood in front of her and smelled no fear or intent to kill. The woman looked in the teal colored orbs and reached an unwavered hand to caress the beast.

She softly spoke to not startle him "I have been waiting for you."

" **Mate** ," and the demon kissed the woman with the midnight hair and chocolate colored eyes. He opened his eyes finding that the demon was caged back inside with the control given back to the human half.

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 **A/N 3: Went dark on this one. Respect the Demon! So if I did the caveman syndrome (which I don't think I did sad tears) or even gave the demon a decent if not morbid debut please tell me! The next one I am going to do is my first Miroku one.**

 **M**


	3. Slap! Pervert!

**Topic: Slap! Pervert!**

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 **Title: Can't We Just Get Along**

 **Summary: Friends embark on a wild adventure to battle an ominous adversary. Can these six individuals go against the odds and become victorious or fail miserable? Follow as our heros expand their horizons with far away lands, captured princes, and a fair maiden who lost her sheep. Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Kagome, Shippo, Kirara our heroes!**

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The sun high in the sky sweltered the six companions as they looked for adventure and other lowly creatures that needed their brawn, brains, prayers, or some fox fire. They strolled down a deserted caravan trail looking for a village to rest their weary feet and a possible jewel shard.

 **SLAP**!

"Miroku can you please stop groping my ass," Shippo screamed at Miroku.

Everyone stopped walking and looked at the victim and the accused. Miroku's face was a deep crimson because he was groping a fluffy ass and it wasn't attached to a female.

"Seriously Miroku, I didn't know that you went for little kids, pedophile,"Kagome huffed as Shippo ran to her arms.

She lifted him up patted the little fox demon from being nearly raped by a cursed man.

"I am not a pid-o-pile! I am a man of the cloth and I honestly thought it was Sango who was my target so there!" Miroku protested and stormed off to lead the brigade to the destined town.

A couple of hours later and some missing clothes from our overheated heroes, Miroku's hand was starting to have that twitching feel.

' _Not again!'_ Miroku cried in his head.

Inuyasha had walked back from running ahead to scout out the area. He lead them to an area that was covered by a Willow tree that was next to a cool gentle river. The travelers decided to set up camp. Miroku walked and without real control of a lingering attached to his body reached out and two tweaks and a

 **SLAP!** occured. He rubbed his cheek ready to apologise to...Kagome.

"You are not Sango!"

"I know I am not! Why are you molesting my ass! INUYASHA! INUYASHA! Miroku is being perverted again!" Kagome cried and within seconds Miroku was lifted and pinned to a tree by his throat.

"Can't breath."

"I know fucker! You touch her again and I promise I will get rid of your problem by slicing it off and shoving it up your ass. It will end your little problem once and for all. Don't think I won't! I tend to keep my promises."

Inuyasha released the blue skinned man, gasping for air and the women smirk and continued on with their duties.

 **One hour later**

"I sense some jewel shards!" Kagome exclaimed reaching for her bow and arrow.

"How many? Where?" Inuyasha jumping down from the tree top he was napping and jacking off at.

Kagome then spread her spiritual powers and knew right away who it was. She huffed and threw her bow and arrow back by her backpack and sat down.

"Must be Koga," Sango said while she too replaced Hiraikotsu next to the tree and continued her needle point.

Inuyasha growled and foamed at the mouth ready to tear the mangy wolf into pieces. The whirlwind that carried their hairy companion finally arrived and saw his nemesis and love rival * standing in front a nonchalant Kagome who was eating her fish and reading a book.

"Kagome, how is my-what the fuck was that?" Koga exclaimed and slapped the offender. Miroku flew into the river and emerged with a huge red handprint and soaked black and purple robes.

"YOU touched my ass! You queer son-of-a-bitch! I like women not men keep that shit for Inuyasha. He's the only one that would be pleasured with another man tweaking his ass," Koga said moving away from the river.

"I love women! My hand loves booty and it seems he is not being picky these days!" Miroku said while ringing out his clothes.

The women were snickering behind their hand and Inuyasha just looked rather confused.

' _I thought the hand was controlled by the head. I wonder which head is really in control?'_ Inuyasha pondered while he replaced his sword.

Koga looked around and felt his pride and manliness was slowly dwindling and left telling Kagome over his shoulder that he would soon come and get her. Without looking up from her book after she got herself together just wave him off.

 **The Next Day**

They woke, ate, showered, used the bathroom, broke camp down and proceeded to the village that was rumored to have a Shikon jewel.

The group made it to the village by mid-day and was talking to the chieftain of the village. The chief was all too willing to give them the shard because it only brought mayhem and death to their small village. With the jewel shard safely with the Kagome, the group proceeded out of the village to the next one. While they were on their way out they were seen out with

 _ **Slap!**_

 _ **Slap!**_

"Pervert! I am just a young boy!"

"Don't fondle my goat!"

"Husband!"

 _ **Slap!**_

AAHHH!

"Are you not - _ **SLAP** -_ a man of the cloth!"

"Monster!"

"Taking advantage of my jiji! Go to hell monk!"

When the group heard that the cursed hand was groping an old man they ran back and grabbed the holy man and drug him out the village they were sure they could never come back to.

"Its cursed I tell! I love women's asses!"

"Yeah, and that's what he said," Kagome replied while rolling her eyes.

 **Two days Later**

"I thought we were going to die from that badger demon," Shippo said while riding on Inuyasha's shoulder.

"You didn't do anything runt! You was just held by Kagome while Sango and I took care of the beast. Sango and I were going to die," Inuyasha clarified to the group causing the women to blush. Sango in gratitude and Kagome in embarrassment, she was useless.

Miroku was silent riding on the transformed cat demon's back. The group decided to hog tie Miroku up after he was the reason why the badger was such in a hissy fit. They even put a scarf over his mouth so he wouldn't talk and beg to be released. They told him it was punishment and to live with it.

He groped the badger's ass while it was asleep and Kagome sensed jewel shards in the badger's right hind leg.

"Plus, it was Miroku's fault we were almost killed. Him and the cursed hand is going to get us in major trouble," Inuyasha said while looking at the tied up monk.

The monk rolled his eyes and continued to meditate because Kirara's spine was pressing into his stomach and he had to pee.

The group finally rested near a tree stump and a hot spring that was close by. The women including Shippo decided to go to the hot springs to bathe while the men got camp together. Inuyasha untied Miroku after the women left and they proceeded in getting the camp together.

 **40 minutes later**

The food was done of Ramen and fish. The men decided to take a quick dip in the hot spring because flies kept swarming around them. Inuyasha wasn't going to leave Miroku alone with Sango and Kagome because he didn't want to be the only male over the age of 10 among the women. SO to keep the monk alive he dragged the man with him. They made it to the hot springs, disrobed and wadded into the hot spring. The hot water lulled the aching tense muscles from Inuyasha's shoulders and thighs. He had borrowed some shampoo from Kagome and lathered and rinsed his hair. His back was towards the monk who had his eyes closed relaxing.

He felt the tell tale sign of the tingling in his hand. Miroku snapped his eyes open and saw an ass.

' _Must resist! I want to live! Inuyasha would kill me if I squeeze those toned virgin ass cheeks! Must resist!'_ Miroku grabbed his strong willed hand to prevent himself in indulging in its fetish.

He watch fascinated in how the muscles in Inuyasha's ass moved and how huge Inuyasha's balls were from the back when he bent over to scoop some water to his head.

' _Just one bump and I will be good...and dead,_ 'Miroku thought as he massaged his length under the water while looking at Inuyasha finish his bathing.

After 40 minutes of taking care of their hygiene needs they headed back to where the women were up talking and cleaning up dinner.

Sitting around and telling ghost stories Inuyasha, Shippo and Kirara lifted up their nose and smelt the air. Graveyard soil and bones.

"The clay pot bitch is coming,Kagome," Shippo informed the weak nosed humans. Kagome shrugged her shoulders because she knew who was a good boy and where that puppy's home was.

Kagome looked at Inuyasha and he just keh'd and sat closer to her.

"Good boy, and here is your treat," she kissed him on the cheek and whispered about playing a game called hide the sausage when everyone was asleep.

Inuyasha smiled and put an arm around Kagome with a new sense of encouragement to get past the broad in clay.

"Inuyasha, I have come for you," Kikyo's monotone voice echoed through the campsite.

"I don't want to go anymore Kikyo. I belong to Kagome. She is the apple of my eye. The Ying to my Yang. My missing rib. Plus she is pregnant with a litter of my pups and I love her."

Kagome was shaking her head and the group awe'd until he got to the pregnant part and a

 _ **SLAP**_! resounded the area.

"You vile creature why would you touch my holy ass," Kikyo said with a spike of emotion, whilst rubbing her violated ass cheek.

Miroku was confused because he was on the other side of the camp fire and not behind Kikyo groping her. He didn't even have any fantasies of doing anything to her other than pushing her in some water but fucking her...nah! He didn't think the lube Kagome talked about would save him from chafing on his cock if he decided to tap that.

"Well, at least you are a female," was all he said and looked at his hand. He sat back in his spot next to a shaking head Sango.

"Why I never. I am done I will take my-"

 **SLAP!**

"See here! I will not be violated by some cursed man! Leave my pure ass alone! Only Inuyasha can cop a feel not you monk!" Kikyo screamed and was lifted away by her demon soul gathers.

"Miroku, I love you! Thank you for hurrying up that visit. Maybe good riddance until we kill Naraku for good!" Kagome said while the group cheered.

"Kill me?" an ominous voice interrupted the small pep rally.

"NARAKU!" the group scrambled to get their weapon to attack their arch enemy!

"HAHAHAHA, what can a mere half-demon, a defeated demon slayer, a baby fox, a human little sex toy, a sex crazed monk and a fire cat can do to me? Nothing I tell you!" Naraku snickered and tentacles shot out of his body to be only sliced off by the Wind Scar.

The Wind Scar took off the smile and half of his body. He just floated in the air and landed again regenerating rapidly in front of the six companions.

"Inuyasha, I didn't think that you knew that I like it rough," Naraku crack his neck and began to walk towards Kagome.

"Well I see- what the hell caress my ass?" Naraku spun around and slapped the offender across the face.

Miroku flew and uprooted the tree stump that he was planning on sleeping against.

"Miroku! Are you ok?" Sango ran to see if Miroku was alive.

Naraku was embarrassed and flew away.

"I will be back!" and he was gone in his cloud of miasma.

Inuyasha put his sword back in its scabbard. He bent down at the passed out monk and felt two squeezes and a rub on his ass and ball sack.

Inuyasha punched Miroku and walked away grabbing Kagome to play their game of hide the sausage while Sango attended the now comatose monk.

"When will he ever learn?" Shippo asked while he settled inside Kagome's sleeping bag that was not blown away earlier.

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 **A/N:** **Ok, I get that the hand is cursed with the Wind Tunnel or that long K-word in Japanese. I am going to overuse the slap because Miroku gets slapped in every fanfic that he is in. Even mine have him slapped but it was for good reason! Chapter 10 of _When Love Loves Even if it Hurt_ by me:).**

 **Sango was in a club and some random person copped a feel and she slapped the individual. Realized it was her husband and apologized! That was one time and it was a 18 chapter fic! I have read fanfictions where this "man" or teenager is slapped for looking at Sango wrong to groping at least five times per chapter. That's all he does. He is a friend to Inuyasha and fondles Sango and other women's ass. I know that some people have an ass fetish but still aren't we here to survive and not open ourselves to repeated abuse!**

 **Yet Miroku is not one of the smart ones and so Miroku got abused!**

 **Response goal: Cut the damn thing off PLEASE!**

 **Remember if I did the Slap! Pervert justice please leave a** ** _review:_** ** _Cut the damn thing off PLEASE!_**

 **Next Chapter: _Topic how old is Shippo really_?**

 **M**


	4. How old is Shippo Really?

**Topic: How old is Shippo really?**

* * *

 ** _Love Me Baby_**

 **Summary: The Inuyasha gang still on the hunt for jewel shards after Naraku died and shattering the jewel into smaller pieces again. The gang leisurely track down the shards to the pink nuisance once again. Will a new evil rise and prevail, will Inuyasha finally confess his love, will Kagome ever finish school? Will Shippo reveal his age? IS Miroku really knowledgeable about the opposite sex? Why can't Kirara speak. Sango will she stop checking out Inuyasha's ass? The love square? Dun Dun Dun!**

* * *

"I need a bath!" Kagome exclaimed so the whole group would know.

"I wasn't going to say anything but yes Kagome you smell like a warmed over pile of oxen dung," Inuyasha told her shielding his sensitive nose.

"Every time I do the mundane task of breathing I have to sacrifice my sense of smell to be able to live. Your body odor is making it hard for me to track down demons,food hell even water because of your smell. Did something die and you had to investigate the insides of its rotten corpse?"

"Si-"

"Ah,ah,ah, tsk,tsk,tsk, Kagome. Remember our bet. Every time you sit me is a day added for you to stay here and finish collecting the jewel shards. According to my calculations," Inuyasha took out his reading glasses and notebook he was keeping tally.

"The next time you will see your family is when the winter come, that's in six months according to your calendar. So watch what you say," Inuyasha told her in a out of character sing song voice peering over his reading glasses.

Kagome huffed and puffed and blew some snot out of her nose and halitosis mouth.

"Please don't do that either. This is an opportune time for someone to kidnap you to give everyone's nose a break and breath some _fresh_ clean air."

"Fuck you, you cock sucking whore," Kagome fumed and walked off.

"So that explains the oral,Kagome," Inuyasha hummed to himself feeling like the king of the world!

Shippo off to the side was rubbing his little paws in a manically sort of way. He was going to see his Kagome's naked body again.

He knew that Kirara knew his real age was not the little cute kit kid but an adult fox on the short side. He had to pay Kirara off so she wouldn't go blab to Inuyasha about his little secret. It wasn't hard to hide his age. He accepted the crayons, the little bumps to the head and gave out advice. It was a sweet gig that he wasn't going to give up. An added bonus was he got to see boobs and lay on boobs every night.

He ran to catch up with a still pissed off Kagome and sat on her shoulder. She looked over to Shippo and gave her a hug.

' _Oh Kami, she does reek like oxen dung. Like she was swimming in it and ate it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a couple of days. Has she heard of some tassel or a toothpick. Jeesh Funkygome,'_ Shippo said while holding his nose and breathing out his mouth.

Inuyasha ran ahead to scout the area and did a happy dance because he finally found water. He didn't think he would be happy to find water like he was now.

He was scared to have Kagome ride his back and permanently have the back of his haori smelling like six day old rotten eggs with a slight smell of rotten fish. He decided to picker her up from under her armpits, run and dump her into the water clothes and all.

He ran back and was about to grab her when she raised her arms butterflies that was flying around her swirl in a drunken zig zag and plummeted to their deaths. Inuyasha abruptly stopped and pointed to the far left and moved his arms depicting waves to represent water. She guessed and was jumping up and down and Shippo was in purgatory because he got to cop a feel of Kagome's bouncing breast on his head but the smell that went with it was of the devil. He was in the middle neither paradise nor hell.

Kagome started to run to hug Inuyasha but he passed out when he got the full onslaught of her bad b.o.

The group continued on without Inuyasha and Miroku, who stayed behind, to the hot spring. Kagome quickly undress and dumped her clothes and sweaty, sticky body in the water. She submerged her greasy hair in the warm water and stayed there until there was no more air in her lungs. She gasped and was met with something tiny in her mouth.

Shippo had found Kagome's modern tassel and put the goo he remembered seeing her use on the brush. When Kagome emerged from out of the water he quickly shoved his arm with the toothbrush in her open mouth.

Kagome brushed her teeth,washed her body and hair each three times. After the smell test and her clothes drying from washing (she had to talk Shippo out of burning her clothes) she relaxed in the hot spring.

"Hey Kagome could I lay on your chest like I did with my mom," Shippo asked with his cute kid voice. Kirara in her kitten form rolled her eyes and proceeded her nap.

Kagome opened her arms for him to nestle into. They both relaxed and soaked. The demon slayer said she and Kirara was going to head back and tell Inuyasha that they was still resting.

Kagome raised her arm and wave Sango off because she heard her. Shippo opened one eye from that was not laying on Kagome's soft mounds and looked around. There was nobody around. Demon, human, half demon, not even an animal. They were completely alone and Shippo was completely horny.

Shippo decided to do some hypnotist magic on the relaxed young girl. He was going to do what no man, woman, demon or half demon has done.

Pop Kagome's cherry.

He turned in her arms that encircled him and repeated what he heard when Kagome was trying to hypnotize Inuyasha three weeks ago.

Shippo nudged a very relaxed and gullible Kagome. She looked around and stared at a disk in Shippo's hand. In a very mellow voice Shippo began the incantation "You are getting very, very sleepy...your eyelids are getting heavy...so heavy that you cannot hold them eyelids are getting heavy." He continues with a statements, "You cannot keep your eyes open any more...you are falling into a deep sleep," and the Kagome's eyelids droop.

Next, Shippo made a series of slightly more demands that instructed Kagome to intertwine the fingers of each hand.

Shippo then said, "You are unable to separate your hands."

Sure enough, Kagome's hands feel glued together. He remember her explaining to the group that if she got that far then she could move to far more challenging requests.

Shippo took it a step further and suggested her to touch and squeeze her breasts. Kagome complied. Shippo then suggested that she touched both her pussy and his cock and stroke both to completion. Kagome complied. Shippo was finally escaping purgatory to heaven. He was warming up to what he really wanted her to do.

Shippo suggested that she get out of the water and get on her hands and knees. Kagome complied and was on her hands and knees. Shippo was besides himself. He quickly got out of the water stroking his enlarging cock when he felt a bop to his head and a harsh pull to his tail. He looked up and immediately played possum.

Inuyasha clearly saw everything because his hakamas was loosen and his elongated cock was leaking cum from its tip.

"No one is to mate my mate you perverted little man. Kirara told me that you are older than what you say you are. This was your last bath with the women next time you bath with Miroku and I or alone. Pervert. I should kill you but Kagome loves you as her _son_ not her lover. Already got that in the bag don't need your help."

Inuyasha then tied Shippo to a small tree with his haori and went to Kagome who was still under hypnosis. Removing the rest of his clothes Inuyasha thrusted inside of Kagome after rubbing her naturally lubricated pussy. He felt her muscles tighten up and threaten to swollen him inside dick and balls. He pumped faster skin hitting skin. Shippo tried to look away but Inuyasha growled at him and Shippo kept his eyes open and his cock got bigger.

' _I am definitely in hell,'_ Shippo thought as need built and relief was getting her ass ripped open by Inuyasha's well endowed dick.

* * *

 **A/N: I know that demons progress faster than the average child ok, I got that. In my opinion I think that Shippo is older than what he is trying to portray. He is wiser than his years with very sound advice to his older counterparts and he always wants to be next to Kagome. Granted his parents died but wouldn't he want to be next to a male father figure? It's just my thoughts and I couldn't pass up an opportunity to poke fun at it.**

 **I actually read a fiction called _Product of a Sleep Deprived Mind_ by Saro. OMG please read it! It is fucking hilarious! I have read it three times and my sides always hurts! She poked fun at Kagome's niceness about Shippo being younger than how much he really is. Following her lead I give you my one shot/excerpt:**

 **Response goal: _old ass kid_!**

 **A/N 2: I hope you enjoyed my rants and my crack fics! I had fun! Hopefully I will have a volume 2 with other overused topics that anger me.**

 **Until next time and remember** ** _review, review, review ^0^_**

 ** _Response Goal:_** ** _Old ass kid!_**

 **~M**


	5. Description Overload

**Topic: Descriptions Gone Wild**

* * *

 **Title: Living the Simple Country Life**

 _Summary: A woman living in a secluded area take on day to day living. Can this woman survive aliens and crop circles. Even the succulent looks of her bad boy neighbor. What is Koga doing to that goat? "You can't marry her Koga!"_

* * *

The sun peaked over the mountainous terrain that surrounded a sleeping village just waking up from a peaceful slumber. The trees sway in the gentle breeze tickling little Blue Jays and Red Robins to wake up. The wind danced around a dilapidated farm shack, mix match fencing and animals roaming free. Following the soft breezy mild wind, it embarks on a sleeping maiden through her open wooden missing glass windows.

The wind gently blew through and as they tickled the baby birds, it tickled the button nose of the maiden. The maiden stirred in her sleep. She cutely rubbed her button nose like a little newborn kitten. Her strong bronze, olive colored* muscled calves poked out of its cocoon made from covers.

As the wind now putting a little more gust to get this beauty**** up and ready for the day it blew the covers off revealing the maiden on her hands and knees with her rump upwards and drool escaping her tinted ruby lips.

After the covers were lifted the maiden finally got the hint and slowly stretched like a lioness being lazy in the Sahara desserts. She sat up and greeted the morning sun. She wiped her crusted doey chocolate brown** orbs*** and scanned the one room house. She used her callous hand and wiped the pooling drool from under her flawless bronze colored neck and smiled a toothless grin. Her midnight colored hair with a blue tint hung just past her shoulder was sticking out at all angles.

She made her way to her built in bathroom that had one wooden toilet, steel pipes that had multiple scarves and ties to prevent further leaking, a cracked mirror, a silver wash bowl and a white porcelain tub for her baths that she like to take. She disrobed her polka dotted nightgown that came all the way to her calves and covered her arms. The nightgown had a tear around her breasts that peaked out a bit but never revealed her neck.

Once she stepped in the water that she had ran while taking off her clothes she submerged her aching bronze colored body into the water to scrub her body from last nights slumber. Never missing an itch of her body the wind left her because it knew it would take another 40 minutes for the maiden to feel nice and clean.

 **40 minutes later**

The black haired beauty finally stood up and reached for a tattered lime green towel and carefully stepped out of the tub. She started from her thighs down to her calves and feet. She mopped up the remaining water droplets from her upper body. She made sure that her curls between her legs were dry as well and her swollen breasts. She discarded the green towel amongst the brown wicker hamper and walked around her hardwood floor abode. She walked to her window and looked outside. She smiled to the animals that made their home in her unkept green almost dead patched grass.

She saw her neighbor sitting on his porch drinking from a chip white mug that said : I love my Dick. He was sitting in an old wooden rocking chair with white peeled and chipped paint. He was slowly rocking back and forward with the tip of his bare bronze feet. Her neighbor and undercover perv:Inuyasha Thomas.

' _He always sits there every morning with a towel over his pants, I wonder why. Oh well,'_ the maiden thought and waved over to him still naked as the day she was born.

"Morning Inuyasha! What a fine day isn't it don't you think?!" the black haired beauty with tresses that came to tickle her shoulders. Her chocolate brown orbs filled with merriment and joy.

Inuyasha heard his young, untouched, naive and he believed nudist neighbor call after him like every morning. He waved back making sure that his muscles in his triceps and biceps displayed that he worked out religiously. He put his binoculars on and zoomed in on her rosy peak nipples that greeted him all perky this and every morning.

"Morning Kagome, yea,it's a pretty good morning. Anything on your agenda so far?" Inuyasha yelled/asked knowing that Kagome would get excited because he asked her a question.

He gambled that she would jump and her breast would bounce as if it was made from rubber balls.

She mashed her virgin mounds together jumping up and down like he predicted. He waited while she thought about all that she needed to do.

He loved when she had to think, she tended to circle her nipples favoring her left one while her right hand scratched her now dry black hair on her shoulders.

Kagome still thinking, Inuyasha zoomed out and moved his left hand over his lap and took out his above average penis still hidden underneath the towel that shielded him from the virgin maiden.

He whacked off looking at Kagome's thinking ritual that she did when they talked to each other in their secluded area. She walked outside still naked and toward her only neighbor for miles around them.

"Inuyasha, I think its time that I did something with my front yard don't you think," Kagome asked while her breasts hung over his four foot wooden fence.

Inuyasha almost to his climax he grunted and spewed his stinky white substance on his towel. He cleaned up and stuffed his now deflated penis back in his pants while Kagome watched him. She rubbed her thighs together and he saw her rubbing them.

He stood up in his ripped and dirty jeans with the zipper down walking towards his naked neighbor. He smirked and leaned in towards her sun kissed neck and moved her hair behind her ear.

He breathed and tickled her left ear with his coffee smelling breath. Inuyasha breathed in her cherry blossom scented shampoo hair and said "I can help if you want."

Kagome blushed, her body slowly redden like a tomato because she felt his hand reach between her soaked thigh and rubbed her clit while he offered his help.

"Ye-yeah, that would be-be great. Th-thank you Inu-Inuyasha," Kagome gasped when he removed his fluid covered hand.

"Meet you in your yard, Kagome," Inuyasha smirked while licking his fingers of her essence.

"That's not the yard I was talking about," Kagome walked inside of his well manicured yard and sat under the huge cherry blossom tree that occupied most of his front yard.

"This is the yard I was talking about," Kagome said while she laid down. She steadily spread open her womanly legs inviting Inuyasha to deflower her virgin womanhood.

Inuyasha walked toward Kagome like a predator that had their eyes locked on their latest prey. He disrobed carelessly and stood naked in all his glory in front of Kagome. His onyx colored gaze took in everything that made this woman pure and good.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Ok, Kagome, I will fuck the shit out of you. Let me get some rope and some vaseline baby."

* * *

 **A/N: I am going to end it here because I have a bone to pick with lemons...so here are the footnotes I had that I wanted to comment on.**

 *** (Colored eyes) yes I have read that, I am like is she patched together or something? Anyway moving on**

 **** (using the same word for the same color) even though that is the same color**

 ***** (orbs) curse this word**

 ****** (beauty) she could be ugly just saying...I want to tell the author that is your opinion if she is a black haired beauty. To me she is not all that attractive but hey its a fictional character.**

 **I am writing this because man...for one person there has been a lot of ways that describe her eyes and different names for plain ol' black hair...it just kinda irritates me with all the description and orbs...they are eyeballs. I hate that word...orbs...its a disgusting word (for me) but hey the author loves it I skip over it lol. Don't get me wrong, I get the trying to use other words other than eyeballs...but in my opinion that is what the fuck they are. So I am going to over indulge you with the many descriptions of Kagome. Clothes included bahahaha! Have you ever noticed that she hardly wears shoes after awhile lol!**

 ** _Response goal: I get it already move on with the damn story!_**

 **If I get you to think it please leave a _review_ with the response goal. Feel free to add more to your _review_ even if there is a overuse outplayed topic that you as a reader have seen and wish would stop or done a different way! I am all orbs lmbo! (Remember these are one-shots, or excerpts so expect them to be short but a LOT of emphasis on what the topic is. **

**Please leave me a review! I am humbly begging lol...**


	6. AN :Skits Yikes!

Topic: Annoying and Sometimes Creepy A/N skits:

 **The Demon that Flew Over the Coco Puffs**

Summary: Inuyasha and the gang are found in a mental asylum for various needs. Inuyasha can't make a decision. Sango has anger problems, Miroku well he's a special case. Kagome is in for identity crisis. Will these friends or clients or "mental cases" get the help they need? In come Dr. Koga leading group therapy...this should be fun!

* * *

Me: Hey there bringing you an exciting new chapter of The Demon the Flew Over the Coco Puffs. Per your contract with me say the disclaimer bookie poo!

Inuyasha: Look her b-i-tch nobody gives a rat's a-s-s about the disclaimer. Another thing! If I didn't like the pet names all the way in chapter 1 what makes you think I like it on chapter 42?

Me: Inuyasha, How could you be so mean? After we spent all night together. You was in my arms purring. We came up with this idea!

Inuyasha: That was your Dalmation you named Inuyasha. I feel insulted too.

Me: Don't say such things! Inuyasha I have some ramen.

Inuyasha: It smells funny

Kagome: Sit boy! Don't be mean to the author! She is not creepy and the warning bells going off in your head. You should ignore them because she can't kill us off. She wouldn't have a story.

Me: What? Me poison Inuyasha? Why (sweatdrop) I would never do such a thing. I love him. I have everything that deals with Inuyasha. I have some art with him na-ked.

Inuyasha: How do you know what I look na-ked?

Me: I have a wild imagination. You want to know what else?

Miroku: I wouldn't ask Inuyasha. Warning bells are going off in my head. You sure this story isn't from personal experience dear authoress? Because this whole dialogue seems a bit much.

Me: [Author types some words and an iron boulder falls on Miroku's head] Oops. Did I do that?

Kagome: Well not pointing out the obvious you have the keyboard. I guess he wasn't needed in the story huh? Even though he is mentioned in the summary

Me: Kagome what was that?

Kagome: No-nothing. I didn't say a thing. I just was telling Inuyasha that I am pregnant and that when we are done we need to get married,

Kikyo: That is impossible because I am marrying him and having his babies. Author write that I am pregnant with his child.

Kagome: No write that I am pregnant with twins!

Kikyo: Write that I am pregnant with triplets and already have given birth to six of his children!

Sesshomaru: Nonsense! He would never lay down with common whores. Let's be honest Kagome. You spread your "virgin" legs for anybody

Kouga: Co-signing on that one babe

Sesshomaru: Kikyo! Are you even able to produce children?

Naraku: If she is able to produce kids then I am able to keep my erection up when I look at her. Like seriously why do people ship us? I am in love with Kagome.

Inuyasha: Now see right there! You know its Inu/Kag for life. There is many people that ship us and others think its creepy for a man with tentacles to know love.

Naraku: but furry fetish is ok?

Sango: Is Miroku going to be ok? I mean that boulder looked really heavy.

Shippo: He never learned did he.

Sesshomaru: Point being! I think that Inuyasha would be the perfect vessal to carry my pups. Its not weird because it will strengthen his demon blood with my already powerful demon blood.

Inuyasha: I ain't laying down with either of you! I am infertile!

Kouga: Don't be silly. When Sesshy over here is done I would like to take a gander at ya, mutt.

Inuyasha: I think I hear my agent calling me this is some weird a-s-s sh-it going on.

Me: Inuyasha you can't leave! I have 34 more chapters and you are the main character. You can't leave me and OUR happy home

Kagome: He has a happy home with me!

Sango: Serious guys Miroku is twitching. Shouldn't we help him?

Me: [Author types some more and another boulder falls on Miroku sinking him further into the ground] any other issues?

Inuyasha: [Runs behind Kagome who cowers behind Sango] No ma'am

Me: [Typing on keyboard. Sango disappears and reappears on the other side of the unknown abyss. Kagome fades away and is next to Sango looking confused.] Now that the competition is away. Inuyasha [Author raises a knife] won't you say the disclaimer now?

Inuyasha: This crazy b-i-t-c-h doesn't own a god d-a-m-n thing. Including me

Me: Redo [Acquires the power to Sit Inuyasha] Sit Boy! Now do that again and be convincing and not scared!

Inuyasha: [Gulp] The magnificent authoress of your time! Owns me and everyone associated with me. The lawyers [moving his finger to signal the authories to come closer] have given her permission to say that in this story. Please enjoy

Me: That's better. Wait! How did you find me! Get your hands off of me! I have rights!

Lawyer: Well not over these characters that you have scared to death! Disclaimer: The author doesn't own anything it belongs to the respective owners. Please enjoy her story while we question her.

Inuyasha: Thank you

* * *

 **Chapter 43**

Inuyasha moves through the hallway in a zombie like state. He is unaware of where he is. He can't find his friends.

Group therapy opened wounds that he wasn't ready to face. He lost control and didn't want to face the demon of his nightmare.

' _I need water.'_ He thought to himself.

He was sure that he was close to the exit. The meds that the male nurse forcible inserted into his arm was making his vision cloudy.

"Help, please help."

"Hahaha, the song bird cries for freedom. I won't allow you to leave here alive! You know my secrets!" Koga exclaimed.

"I don't know who I am. Am I...Who am I?"

"You are the missing-"

* * *

Inuyasha: Man that was a close call. I am glad the lawyers showed up when they did or I would have been a goner.

Me: Hehehehe

Inuyasha: [Gulp] Author? I thought they was carting you off to jail?

Me: They can't cart me off with no head hahahahaha. Now be a good boy and come and give me a hug

Inuyasha: [Slowly backs away] You can't make me do it. I don't want to do it! Get your dog to hug you!

Me: I can't anymore! My grandparents and my dog died today. I should have tied you up. [Snaps fingers] That's a great idea! If I don't get 10 reviews Inuyasha gets hog tied for three chapters.

Inuyasha: Please for the love of humanity! Give her what she wants! She has lost it! I think this story is making her crazy! Please review!

Miroku: Help me...somebody

Me: You still alive?

* * *

 **Its MadamScorpio again. Man that was annoying to me and I wrote it. lol**

 **I have read several stories that have weird skits for the disclaimer but the disclaimer is never within sight. Then a short paragraph of the real story and then threatening a fictional character if readers didn't review their story. It works sad to say but I don't get it nor do I review. I usually just skip it because it seems they are going through somethings that only Jesus and some meds can help them with. This is an extreme case of author skits.**

 **If you laughed at any of this please let me know! Not going to threaten or kill anyone fictional or real. Just nice to know if it was funny or not.**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed my rant fic lol! Please leave a review or PM and tell me if you felt my anguish? I might add more chapters. Click those buttons below to keep up with this fic or follow/fave me:)**

 **Until Next time from my other stories!**

 **MadamScorpio signing out!**


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